wakey wakey hands off snakey
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
