Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
4 words: hood of his car
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
