I'm eating all of the evidence.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
