Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
