so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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