let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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