i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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