Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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