"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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