Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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