yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
