I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
