I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
