took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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