Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
