You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
