I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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