p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
