ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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