we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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