I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
