MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
