she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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