i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
