I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
