saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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