Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
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