You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
