i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
