You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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