you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
