Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
