Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
