were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
