she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
