Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
