If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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