How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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