i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
