She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
