So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
