Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
