I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
