I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize