Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
you inspire me to be a worse person
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
