Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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