I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
