Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
