walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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