if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize