friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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