CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
