i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
