i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Even my vagina gasped.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
