If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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