the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
