we have officially lost it.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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