Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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