Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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